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noIt’s been a few decades for America’s top tech CEOs, as their brilliance has turned them from cult-like cultists to billionaire oligarchs. But in 2022, things suddenly looked a little bleak.
Mark Zuckerberg’s Meta and Jeff Bezos’ Amazon have reportedly laid off thousands of workers. Elon Musk once said a Genius, he has shown a truly amazing level of incompetence on Twitter. Elizabeth Holmes was sentenced to more than ten years in prison. And then there’s Sam Bankman-Fried, who recently became a household name for terrible reasons.
In a year when nightmares dominated the tech industry headlines, one important question remains: Which delusional egomaniac was worse? Here are the results of our investigation.
Mark Zuckerberg
Assessment Year: The one-time child genius doesn’t seem to be such a jerk these days. In the year In late 2021, Mark Zuckerberg announced that Facebook wasn’t dystopian enough for him: the company was changing its name to Meta and moving full speed ahead into the Metaverse, a virtual, glasses-based world where, until recently, people had no legs. A year later, while Zook continues to rave about virtual reality, Meta’s fortunes have plummeted.
In February, Zuck’s company made history for all the wrong reasons: its share price fell by $230bn (£190bn) in one day, a national record. Nine months later, Zuckerberg told employees that he had misjudged the changing business winds, saying, “I got this wrong and I take responsibility for that.” Another 11,000 people were laid off in a remarkable display of such personal responsibility.
February also saw Meta’s first drop in users, and indeed, in recent years, opening Facebook has felt like visiting the ruins of Pompeii. Once prosperous sections of society remain completely preserved, but all are forgotten, but as time marches on relentlessly: TikTok, TikTok.
The main point is: Yes, Zuck lost $30bn (£25bn) in that February, but it can still boast about its $44.5bn (£36bn).
The result of a terrible year: 6/10.
Jeff Bezos
Assessment Year: Zuck was far from the tech boss to see his workforce cut this year. Amazon also announced layoffs, with the New York Times reporting that 10,000 jobs could be cut. Meanwhile, perhaps unhappy that his ex-wife was making headlines for a large charitable donation, Bezos appeared on CNN and told everyone that he would give away most of his then-$124 billion. (£103bn) lifetime net worth. Imagine living on less than $62 billion (£51bn)! This is a win-win for Bezos: his seemingly altruistic act has no discernible impact on his life.
One such generous donation: $100m (£83m) – .08% of his fortune – to Dolly Parton, to donate as she wishes. Giving your money to the world’s favorite country star is an under-the-radar move: I’m doing it to heal the world, not my image.
It’s not the only time Bezos has thrown himself at an internationally respected celebrity this year: he took Captain Kirk himself, William Shatner, into space in a rocket shaped like a rocket. Unfortunately for Bez, instead of singing the praises of space, Shatner later said the trip “felt like a funeral,” comparing the “bitter cold” above to the “warm caress of the Earth below,” not a good ad for Bezos’ colonization bid. The galaxy.
In fact, it is fighting to colonize your living room. Its own employees recently told an insider that the company’s voice assistant, Alexa, is a “severe failure of imagination.” Bezos’ “pet project” is “on fire.”
The main point is: A series of scandals has not ousted Bezos from his position as one of the world’s richest men.
The result of a terrible year: 4/10
Elon Musk
Assessment Year: In April, the world’s richest man – who has repeatedly shown he doesn’t understand the connection between words, actions and results – offered to buy Twitter for $54.20 (£44.89) a share. Which, I’m sure you’ll agree, is hilarious because it has the number 420 in it and because Elon is a good guy, he likes weed.
When the sale started to look like it might actually happen, Musk decided that maybe he didn’t really want the site. But the company didn’t let him off the hook, and after a legal battle, he finally went through with the purchase, leading to another funny joke: he carried an entire sink into the company building, apparently risking a hernia. He can tweet: “Let that go.”
That seriousness and thoughtfulness has defined his tenure on Twitter so far. He has eliminated thousands of jobs in his bid to create the Twitter 2.0 that no one asked for. New rules are made and then canceled; He asked the staff to be “extremely strong”, which could explain the beds in the office; It reinstated the likes of Marjory Taylor Greene and Roger Stone. He tried to reinstate Donald Trump; Kanye West reinstated, then suspended again; And they were suspended, then back to work, journalists. The upheaval has destroyed his reputation on the left, while on the right the cult around him seems to be growing stronger: rank-and-file people on QAnon now see him as one.
He topped off the year with top scientific user feedback to determine if he should step down as CEO. They said yes. Let that sink in.
The main point is: From the outside, it looks like one A disaster – but Musk shows no signs of enjoying himself.
Results of the terrible year: 7/10.
Parag Agrawal
Assessment Year: At the start of the year, the future looked bright for Parag Agrawal. He will become Twitter’s new CEO after getting the board’s “unanimous” support.
Then came Musk.
Although the two initially had a good relationship, it quickly soured when they clashed over the purchase of a field platform. When Musk wanted to investigate the extent of Twitter’s bot problem, Agrawal detailed why the plan didn’t work. In another example of consummate professionalism, Musk, then 50, responded with a poop emoji.
Musk finally followed through on the Twitter acquisition in October. He immediately fired Agrawal.
of at last: Agrawal lost his job, but so far has shown no clear signs of villainy and his exit may have netted him $50m (£41m).
The result of a terrible year: 7/10.
Elizabeth Holmes
Assessment Year: In the year 2022 was the year the long-running Theranos disaster finally came to the fore.
It all started in 2003, when Elizabeth Holmes founded the company; She left Stanford the next year. Like many other young students, she was chasing a dream – a dream to pretend to invent the coolest technology and spend a billion dollars on it. But 20 years after founding the firm, Holmes was this year accused of defrauding investors over her company’s revolutionary blood test system.
Maybe it’s because of the friends she met along the way. They include Sen. Cory Booker, one of more than 130 people who sent letters of support to Holmes before he was sentenced. She has created a die-hard fan club with her fans showing up at the hearing in full Holmes costume.
Still, she ended the year with 11 years in prison. So she’s in for a bad year, right?
Sam Bankman-Fried
Assessment Year: Error! Because it exists. Sam Bankman-Fried, In the year He is set to claim the title in late 2022 with a strong final attempt. His cryptocurrency exchange, FTX, ran ads during the Super Bowl a few months ago and proudly displayed his name on the Miami Heat stage.
But in November, the company went bust. A few weeks later, Banman-Fried was arrested in the Bahamas and charged with what one prosecutor called “one of the largest money laundering schemes in American history.”
It was an unbelievable turn of events: what kind of investment could a company built on something few understand, and others worship with incredible fanaticism? At least Bankman-Fried, like Zuckerberg, is taking full responsibility — “I’m pissed off,” said the 30-year-old, who used an encrypted group chat that literally used “wire fraud.”
The main point is: It’s hard to say whether Holmes or Bankman-Fried had a worse year. But the fact that there is competition tells you a lot about technology and obscene wealth.
Results of the terrible year: 10/10For both.
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