CRAWFORD COUNTY, IN—Noting the stark differences between country and city life, rural resident Pat McCalahan confirmed Friday that he has to travel more than two miles from where he lives to hear his nearest neighbors having sex. “It’s not like in Chicago or New York where your neighbors are right on the other side of a wall while they’re doing it,” said McCalahan, who lives alone on five acres of land and whose closest neighbors, should he need to get in touch with them while they’re making love, are over in the next township, down a highway, and up a long driveway, with their bedroom located at the far end of their house. “The hustle and bustle of city life isn’t for me, but there are some days when I miss only having to walk a few feet over to the window to listen in on some good loving. I suppose that’s the tradeoff for more space and privacy, but it can be isolating sometimes to so rarely hear another human receiving pleasure. God forbid there’s ever an emergency, because they’d probably be finished screwing by the time I reached them.” At press time, McCalahan was seen loading up his truck with a pie he had made for his neighbors and with a ladder in case they decided to have sex on the second floor again.
